February 9, 2016

On Loving Yourself

Tomorrow is my 21st birthday and this Valentine's Day is the 7th anniversary of the last time I tried to end my life.

Valentine's Day- February 14, 1996

I won't lie, I had an amazing childhood. I was blessed with two loving parents and a fantastic sister, we had multiple cars, au pairs and babysitters, and took vacations often. My world came to a screeching halt with a series of three events from September 2006 to March 2007 when I lost my grandmother, my mother lost her high-salaried job, and my dad left us.

After a series of ups and downs over the first two years of my parents separation, I found myself extremely depressed and felt I had no other option but to end my life. On February 14, 2009, four days after my 14th birthday, I checked myself into a behavioral hospital for five days and was able to get the help I desperately needed to save my own life.

6th Birthday: February 10, 2001

I ended up switching to a private school that was far better suited for me and I feel beyond fortunate for the education I received there and the college education I'm currently receiving. I put effort into my health, mostly due to my PCOS diagnosis at 16 [read my PCOS story here], and put more energy into my studies at school.

Over the past seven years, I've lost close friends, experienced heartbreak, moved to a city I love, and most importantly, realized that I can love myself without validation from anyone else. My journey to finding self-love hasn't been easy and by no means do I think I am completely healed, but focusing on myself everyday and setting aside time for me has helped immensely.

I will never be able to fully express my gratitude to my family and friends who have stuck by my side over the past seven years and have helped me get the help I needed, and the help I continue to need today.

20th Birthday with my three rocks: Sam, Jennie & Savannah- February 10, 2015

Here's to loving yourself above all else and loving those around you.

xx
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